She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
