dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
