theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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