i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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