she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize