Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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