nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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