Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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