people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
