I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
