can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
