put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
