Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
