ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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