i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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