I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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