omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
