That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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