your room smells of hookers.
And success
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
