he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
