It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
