Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
