I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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