oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
