I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
