sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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