Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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