I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
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I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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