I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
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I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
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can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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