You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
