i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
