So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize