it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
