What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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