I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
