I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
