Do you still have your period?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
