I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
