I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
