i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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