he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
