We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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