Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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