I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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