theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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