My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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