Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I heard we made out
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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