i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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