bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
