once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
