I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
