I could make wine with my vomit
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
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My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize