Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
