My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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