I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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