2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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