Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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