I think i sorta joined a cult last night
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
