No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
as a side note pls kill me
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
