Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
