Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
