My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
