it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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