I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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