Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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