I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i believe in u and ur pee
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
