some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
