Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
