I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
