Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
