How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
