woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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