So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
