Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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