im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She bit a glass in half.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We're too hungover to prance.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
