I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
