That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
