she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
