But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
