I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
