Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
