brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
