i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I am naked and annoyed.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
