how can u be prego again
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Less talking, more tequila
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
