i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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