Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
