ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
organizing the empties. That sober.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
