did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
