no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
