Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
