Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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