so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
