I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
