i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
